Wasted Wolf
by Bloodlustful
Summary: Post-movie. It is a week before Christmas, and Garth happens across some nice humans caroling in the forest. Though they treat him nicely, they do so a little too much in terms of the eggnog they give him and he gets drunk after drinking too much of it. What happens when he returns to Jasper Park Mountain? Find out by reading this story!


Hi, there! I recently saw the movie Iron Man 3, which, despite coming out in May, takes place during the holiday season in the universe of that movie. Additionally, this spring has been, for the most part, surprisingly cool. So I decided I would take advantage of the rare opportunity of that being the case as so to write an Alpha And Omega fanfic about how, in Canada a week before Christmas, Garth comes across a bunch of forest carolers by chance, and they give him not only petting and rubs, but also something he's never known of before…eggnog. Though he likes it, what neither he nor they count on is that he, having a different kind of system than they do, gets drunk from that sort of stuff more easily than they would, and since there are quite a few of those carolers, he drinks quite a bit of eggnog to the point where he's loaded. When he gets back to Jasper Park and the wolves he lives with, hilarity ensues!

THINGS TO NOTE:

This story takes place four weeks after the events of Alpha And Omega.

I own none of the characters. They all belong to Alpha And Omega.

In case anyone is wondering, yes, I did indeed get motivated to do this by how Iron Man drinks a lot, both in the movies and the comics, and how Garth, like Tony Stark, is a handsome hero with some quirks to go with his virtues, but at the end of the day, will do the right thing and is a truly likable badass. Hilariously, Iron Man 2 came out in 2010, just like Alpha And Omega did, so there you go. Plus, Garth even has a father named Tony, just like Iron Man's real name is, in fact, Tony Stark. Coincidence, no?

Another thing which inspired me to write this is how there are a lot of stories and/or artworks about Humphrey and/or Kate getting drunk online, and even one or two with the same thing happening to Eve and Winston, but not one for Garth. At least to my knowledge, anyway. So I'll make what I think is(though I could be mistaken)the first drunk Garth tale.

Wasted Wolf

The wolves of Jasper Park could not believe what they were seeing. While the way that it happened was plenty plausible, it was still a sight that filled them with disbelief that Garth would be drunk. You see, earlier today, Garth had come across a bunch of humans who were caroling in the forest near the Jasper Park mountain where he lived. It was a week before Christmas, and the humans who loved caroling most were therefore doing so together in a place which well showed the holiday feeling and their own. Namely, a beautiful, snowy forest. Garth happened to have been going out on a stroll at the time, and though he was surprised when he saw those humans and vice versa, they made it clear to him that they were not dangerous by pausing and sitting on the ground, then motioning their hands for him to come over. Although Garth hesitated at first, he was able to trust them after seeing they were no threat. Soon enough, he would receive a lot of petting, kissing, stroking, caressing and scratching, much to his delight.

He especially liked the scratches behind the ears, belly rubs and hugs they gave him. That he was just big enough for all of them to get some patting in made it all the better, and he was of course wagging his tail while grinning. Thing is, though, that one of them decided to share some of the eggnog they had with him. The humans had indeed brought eggnog along for when they'd finished caroling, and the others agreed they should give him a taste of the holiday season. So the humans all poured some eggnog into a cup each, offering it to Garth. Since he knew it was best he did not offend them, with how they treated him so well, even if he was unfamiliar with such a drink, and since, after sniffing it, he could tell he was in for a treat, Garth happily lapped up all of the eggnog from every last cup. Soon thereafter, while he did lick the humans in gratitude and all of them gave him one last pat before they realized it was time for them to return home and thus a second later walked away, Garth was unable to tell the difference between what happened before and what was happening now. Because due to the combined eggnog, all of which, unbeknownst to him or his human friends, was of a brand which had some alcohol content in it, Garth was now nothing short of smashed out of his skull. He was still conscious, mind you, and he could still do things like walk, talk and obviously breathe, but it could not be denied that he was positively and royally fried.

By chance, he staggered and stumbled clumsily in the right direction to return to Jasper Park Mountain, and was able to just barely climb back up to where his packmates lived without hurting himself, falling or anything along similarly disastrous lines. And just then, all the other wolves, who he'd earlier told he was going on a stroll to, could see he was back and came over to welcome him back home, only to discover him in his new, inebriated state, which brings us right to where we started, at the present time here. The wolves were surprised to see the way that their supersized packmate looked, but none of them took long to put the pieces together. "Garth, what the hell has happened to you, son?" Tony asked. "How in the name of God did you get drunk the way you have, dear?" Lilly asked her mate. Garth then hiccupped and said: "OOOOOOOH…it's people…rubbed me…gave me eggnog…Christmasssss is in the air, didn't you knoooooooooow? Carols and nog rule the world this time of yeeeeeeear…"

"Humans? Eggnog?" asked Humphrey. "Dear God, the former must have seen and given rubs to Garth, and the latter must have been given to him to drink!" Kate exclaimed. "Yeah," put in Humphrey to his mate, "and from what I've learned from hearing humans in the woods talk to each other by chance about eggnog, some brands contain alcohol, which is apparently a drug that can intoxicate and depress you, both physically and mentally!" "And given how Garth looks at the moment, they must have given him more than a little bit of it." Eve pointed out. "Hic…God, is mistletoe in the air! Lilllllly, let's celebrate Christmas by me giving you a white gift and vice versa, huuuuuuuh?" Garth went, looking at Lilly lustfully. "Whoa, honey!" Lilly cried out. "I'd normally love that, but right now, you're in no shape for it, nor am I in any mood!" "Seriously, I thought you were smarter than that!" Candy told Garth. "Yeah," Sweets added, "I mean, you're a fucking alpha, for crying out loud!" "Alphhhaa…schmmmaallppphhaaa…." Garth mumbled. "I still am entitled to a little fun now and theeeeeennn…"

He began to walk about clumsily, ponderously and cumbersomely, and though the other wolves were relieved he was walking towards them and not the edge of the part of the mountain he'd reached, Winston had to catch him when he fell on over and gently place him on his side, which he managed to do just barely. "Damn it, Garth, you really should have just said no thank you on the eggnog! Accepting pets and kisses from those clearly well meaning humans was just fine, but even if you didn't say anything, you could have made it clear the offer was appreciated but you would pass!" Winston chided. "But…the nog was so…goooooood…" Garth said as he stood back up, and then began howling out: "Caroling time, everyone! Jingle bells, Humphrey smells, Lilly laid an egg…" The others opened their eyes widely, and Tony, embarrassed at his son's foolish mistake and his current behavior, exclaimed: "I say! Garth, you stop that right this instant and get to sleep! You need to rest this off, and learn from this foolhardy mistake you've made! This is not like you at all, and…"

But Garth paid his father's words no heed and kept on singing: "Stupid bitch Kate had for me nothing but hate, but my douchebag dad would have it no other way! We were meant to be married, but I found someone else! But part of it, see, was Eve forcing me to put my pride on the shelf! Though Winston is her husband, she controls him every day! And I'm not even going to go into what happens when Hutch comes into play!" He fell over and started laughing like an utter idiot, and everything he'd sang in a distortion of Jingle Bells caused the other wolves to at first drop their jaws and open their eyes widely in shock, then they all walked over to him and waited until he could hear clearly again after he was done laughing. Then Tony said: "Okay, son, that was just outright disrespectful and uncalled for!" "Yes, Eve may make more rules than I do, but she doesn't control me!" Winston spoke. "And I didn't force you to put your pride on the shelf when I had you go with Lilly. You wanted to go and I just further made sure you would." Eve told him. "And by the way," Humphrey added in, "I most certainly do NOT smell. I bathe in the lake every single night!"

"I don't lay eggs, either, darling!" Lilly told her mate. "No more than any other mammal does! That's for reptiles, birds and the like!" "And while I did not have nothing but hate for you when we were assigned to get married prior to the changing of the laws," Kate put in, "not only am I not a stupid bitch and offended you would call me that even when blasted, but I hate your addressing me that way!" "And badmouthing me as well as your own father?" Hutch let loose. "I do believe you're going to be ashamed of yourself when this wears off, and rightfully so!" "That, and while I won't deny I have my quirks, I learned from my mistake of being a sticker and am in no way a douchebag!" Tony snapped. "If I were, then I would have forbidden you to marry Lilly and Humphrey to marry Kate even after that caribou stampede and Eve's making it clear it must be that way along with Winston doing the same! But look here! Kate has Humphrey and Lilly's got you! Among other changes I didn't initially want, but accepted in the end!" Garth made not a single response, simply continuing with his imbecilic giggle fit. Soon enough, he laughed out so loud, hard and long that it turned out to be one final time as he fell asleep.

Tony rolled his eyes, sighed and said: "Come on, let's just get him into his den so he can sleep this off." "I certainly hope you've learned a lesson here, Garth." Humphrey said. "Or, since you're probably gonna do it anyway once you've woken up and since we're not exactly pleased with you or your behavior right now, maybe I should call you 'Barf' like I used to this time, eh?" "Calm down, Humphrey. We both know this isn't who Garth really is." "Easy for you to say." Kate told her sister. "You're his mate." "Shut your mouth." Lilly snapped at Kate. Kate just let out a teasing grin and responded: "Make me." "Girls, give it a rest. NOW." Eve growled, and it led to Kate and Lilly both going silent. They knew better than to disobey their mother. Just like everyone else knew better than to screw with her in any way. So everyone was silent for the rest of the time they brought Garth into his den and laid him down to sleep his drunkenness off. Lilly said: "I think I'd like to stay here with him, since he is my mate and I think he'll need someone by his side and to comfort him before and after he wakes up and is back to normal."

"Very well." Tony replied. "But he's going to be given a bit of a talking to about his careless behavior once he can think, hear, see and listen clearly again." Eve told her daughter. "Accepting pets from those nice humans was one thing. Even one or two of those eggnogs was perfectly fine." "But for him to drink as many as he did and become so plastered and legless as he did? Unacceptable." Tony put in. "And truly un-alpha-alike." Winston added. "Thankfully, I know as well as the rest of you do that Garth won't be this idiotic again." Humphrey put in. "I'd have to agree with you, dear." Kate told Humphrey. "After all, Garth may be muscular, but he's not a musclehead. He learns from things like this." Humphrey nodded, saying to her: "My point exactly." "In any case, let's let him and Lilly be for now. Things are gonna be awkward enough as it is." Hutch then spoke.

Everyone but Lilly left Garth's den, and Lilly then nuzzled Garth by means of her nose while also stroking his sides with her paws, saying to him: "Though you'll no doubt be back to normal when once you've woken up, I'm sorry to say that you're not going to remember any of this, and I'll have no choice but to fill you in on it. It'll be embarrassing, and it'll be both that and awkward when you have to make apologies for how you acted while drunk to the others, but I'm certain it'll be no worse than that and everything will be back to normal once it's over. Still, I've got to say, I sincerely hope you learn enough after this so that this never happens again. It's truly a good example of how too much of a good thing is invariably a bad thing. She licked her mate a few times, then lay down next to him and soon fell asleep herself. At least, when he awoke and at last was his true self again, Garth would have the first thing he saw post-drunken state be the one he loved, his darling and precious Lilly.

THE END

So, how did you like it? Please rate and review, especially you Garth fans!


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